Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
