yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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