at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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