It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
