shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
