Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
