Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just tell him i said nine months
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
