That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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