just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
