I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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