im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
