i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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