are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
