before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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