Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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