we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
