things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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