It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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