my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
