Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
