i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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