1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
