I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
