Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
