DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
one might say we're banned from that church
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
