it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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