redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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