worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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