im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
