so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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