so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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