Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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