and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
God, I missed his penis.
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