Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
