I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
