hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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