I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
