I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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