The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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