I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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