I'm so fucking centered right now
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
