You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He did a backflip because drugs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
