How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
my poor anus
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
