Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
FUCK WHALES
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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