??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
