There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
