I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
