I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
soo... how was my night?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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