The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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