new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
